To The Most Selfless Person I've Known

There needs to be more people like you in this world.

Dear Erika, 

Remember the time when you asked me to write about you on my blog? Well, I still owe you that. So here is a letter for you. You, the most selfless person I have ever known.

Jika ditanya apa salah satu kejadian yang sangat gue syukuri dalam hidup, yang ada kaitannya dengan lo, gue pasti akan menjawab, "kejadian di mana lo dengan akrabnya ngechat gue via LINE pas jaman mahasiswa baru. Padahal ketemu aja belum pernah, apalagi kenalan."

Sejujurnya gue bersyukur banget sama Tuhan yang sudah memberikan lo ide untuk menyapa gue lewat instant messenger hijau itu. Walaupun gue bingung kenapa mesti gue di antara mahasiswa/i asal Depok lainnya—pun diri lo sendiri nggak tahu alasannya.

Setelah kenalan dan ngobrol, akhirnya kita ketemu pertama kali saat registrasi dan verifikasi calon mahasiswa baru. Saling bertanya-tanya, "lo di mana? Lo yang mana? Lo pakai baju apa?" Dan ternyata, lo duduk nggak jauh dari gue.

Siapa yang sangka kalau pertemuan itu bisa menjadi awal pertemanan kita. 

I feel like our friendship was built effortlessly. It was natural. We just clicked. Later I know that you are a Gemini. "Oh okay, it all makes sense," I said. Why I said it makes sense? Because every Aries needs at least one Gemini in her life and vice versa.

Pondok Kopi Umbul Sidomukti, 2015.

Meskipun semuanya terasa mudah, tetapi tetap saja, layaknya setiap hubungan: there are always ups and downs. Segalanya tidak selalu berjalan mulus—seringkali gue bikin ulah. Gue menyesal pernah bikin lo nangis-nangis curhat ke salah satu teman kita karena tiba-tiba gue unresponsive dan bersikap dingin. Atau ketika gue tiba-tiba 'hilang' berhari-hari dan membuat lo khawatir. Maaf banget. I will try not to do that anymore. Pun jika iya, gue akan laporan dulu ke lo semisalnya gue akan menghilang. Percayalah, gue akan baik-baik saja.

Sekalipun gue berulah setidak menyenangkan itu, hebatnya, lo akan tetap ada. You will always stick around, check on me, and ask about my day. Kadang gue mikir, "gila, gue semenyebalkan ini loh. Kok lo masih mau ya berteman dengan gue?" Padahal banyak yang akhirnya menyerah, entah karena pagar yang gue buat terlalu tinggi atau lapisan dinding gue terlalu tebal. 

But you are still here, you are not giving up. You are forgiving. You always remind me that there is always room for understanding. You show me how easy it is to choose forgiveness over hate. 

Often I wonder, "what did I do to deserve you?"

On Your Birthday, 2017.

Banyak yang bilang kita kembar, twins katanya. Sampai orang yang nggak kenal kita sama sekali, juga bilang kita kembar. Salah satunya yaitu abang-abang tukang fotokopian, ingat? Atau beberapa teman yang salah memanggil lo dengan nama gue atau sebaliknya.

Tapi yang nggak semua orang tahu adalah karakter kita berdua cukup berbeda. 

You are a people person, while I am a lone wolf. You enjoy spending time with a lot of people, while I prefer to spend time with a small group. You are such a friendly person, while I am not easy to be close with. You are an empath, while I am too difficult to express my feeling. You cry easily, while I tend to hide it away. You always put everyone's needs ahead of yours, while I still think about mine first. 

Entah lo sadar atau nggak, but you inspire me. A lot. 

Ada beberapa hal yang dapat gue pelajari dari diri lo, salah tiganya adalah your selflessness, your empathy, and your friendliness. Kadang kemampuan lo untuk tidak mementingkan diri sendiri membuat takjub, kok ada ya orang kayak lo atau memang semestinya manusia itu seperti lo. You are a person who gives your entire being to the people you love. You always make time for them. You care so deeply and does not expect anything in return.

Herannya, dengan kemampuan yang sehebat itu, lo masih bisa meragukan diri lo ketika kita berdiskusi tentang menjadi seorang ibu. You have an oversized heart. You will be a great mother someday, trust me because you are everything a person could be.

But if I could be honest, sometimes, your selflessness scares me. I am scared that people will take you for granted.  I am scared that you will get hurt. I am scared that people will realize that you are precious only when it's too late—it's when they already lose you.

Karena kadang manusia sesumbar itu, merasa segalanya—termasuk orang-orang terdekatnya—akan ada selamanya. Pun gue termasuk takut menjadi manusia yang seperti itu. I am afraid that I will take you for granted.

Lo juga mengajarkan ke gue bahwa it is okay to seek help. Bahwa tidak selamanya gue harus melakukan apa-apa sendirian. Bahwa akan selalu ada orang yang menolong nantinya. "Kan ada gue," kalimat favorit yang sering lo utarakan. And I can't thank you enough for this.

Oh, dan juga! Don't you know that you are the type of person who makes people's hearts warm whenever you are around? Because you always care genuinely. Because your empathy, your friendliness, and your humbleness. And that is the reason why people want to be around you. 

Langit Senja Salatiga, 2018.

You are such a constant in my life that I often forget to be the friend that you are to me in return to you.

Seringkali gue merasa belum menjadi teman yang baik. I might not be as good as you in term of cheering people up. I might not be the sweetest friend you could have. I might not have a huge empathy like you do. I might be so awkward when you cry and we will end up laugh at each other. I might be emotionally unavailable sometimes. I might not always be there. I might not be a person you will look for when you need sugar-coating words—because oftentimes I will speak the truth. 

But remember, I will have your back. I will support you as  I can. I will remind you of your dreams and ambitions. I will tell you to always keep your head high and keep your chin up. And most importantly, I will never get tired to tell you that you are worth it. That you are loved. That you deserve everything good in this world. That you deserve the world.

And lastly,

Congratulations that you finally made it to the end! All your hard work has paid off. I don’t know what adventure you will have to take on in the future. But I can’t wait to see what happens next, obviously, I am going to be so proud of you. Semoga apa yang lo cita-citakan serta impikan tercapai. Semoga juga segala hal baik serta kebahagiaan selalu menyertai lo, kapanpun dan di manapun. 

Love,

NM.