Secret Feeling

I know that time will come to me.

The time that I should give up on you. The time that moving on and letting go is must to do.

I just wait for it, wait patiently.

And while I'm waiting for it, I'm enjoying every second, every minute, and every hour before it happens.

I try to stop looking at you, stalking your timeline, talking with you.

I don't know why I just want to stop it.

I will try it as I can.

Because I believe, someday, I won't ever give a damn to you, again.

I won't even care to you.

Because you just wasted mine. My caring and my love.

I know it's such a shame writing this for someone like you because for you this is meaningless.

But for me, this is all that matters.

And now I know, I'm just gonna secretly in love with you and leave it at that. Forever.

A Precious Conversation

I had a chit chat with my bestfriend this evening, well she isn't only my bestfriend but my sister too. I consider herself as my sister because she's older than me and she is wise too far from me. We talked a lot, about something important, something that we always see in our lives, something that we need, something precious; love.

"You love him, don't you?"

"No, I dont. Well, I should love him. Knowing that he's religious, he's smart in math, chemistry, and even biology, and his voice sounds good when he read quran. He's my type. But I dont love him. I usually love someone who isn't even my type"

"I don't know why, but I think you are his type of girl that he's dreaming of. You will take time to fall for him."

Well my dear best-sist, if you fall for him, don't forget to tell me. In order to let him go, I need someone who well-matched for him, of course to be his girl. And I think that someone is you, sist. You.

Suddenly I asked her.

"Have you ever fallen in love with someone in this senior high school?"

"Yes, I have. But it is all my fault. When I try to make a move, he doesn't care. And when he tries to make a move, I go. So I think there's no other way to make him close to me."

"How do you know that he make a move with you? Did he ask you to be his..."

"No! My feeling told me. Gue nggak mau jadi orang yang pertahanin tapi nggak mau berjuang. Gue nggak mau jadi orang sebego itu. Makanya sekarang gue takut.."

Jleb. Nyess. Berkaca - kaca, semuanya udah berkaca - kaca. Mata gue udah berkaca - kaca. Mbrebes mili. Disitu keadaan (hati) gue udah nggak jelas. I feel hurt, yes sometimes we feel hurt. Dan semua orang berhak untuk nerima tamparan. Tamparan yang akan membawa kita untuk ke kehidupan nyata kembali. Hidup jangan maunya enak doang.

When I heard "he is my type" My feeling was... Blue? Okay I don't know. All I know is I kept saying on my head that's okay, that's okay, no need to worry.

"Lo suka sama orang itu biar apa? Biar disukain balik? Apa biar milikin? Atau biar lo nggak mau keliatan bego didepan dia? Jadi bikin dia sebagai pacuan lo?" I asked her.

She didnt ask my question straightly, I know the answer when she answered my another questions.

And I conclude that; when she loves someone, she wants to have him.

Can I be worried now? ☺

But well my dear, when the time has come, and you fall for him. Please tell me. I will give him to you, willingly. Because I know, it's time for me to let him go and move on.