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There is a statement out there telling that we can fall in love just by looking at someone—not only for men but also for women. Some would agree, but most of us choose not to—because well, we just don’t want to be judged as a shallow person. I asked some of my friends to validate this statement, I want to know whether it is right or not. One of my friends said that “No, it is not a love we are talking about. It is only lust. We lust after someone at the first sight.” Or another friend of mine said, “Well, I guess it is what we called attraction—not love? We cannot fall in love by just looking at someone.”
Isn’t it attraction the first phase before going to a further phase—love?
So, no matter how hard we try to oppose that statement, the truth is, we all know that it is possible for someone to fall in love with a look. The Guardian Lab on one of its article also says that “how we harness the eyes to “create” love has been the subject of decades of scientific study”. Yes, it is true that this topic is also interesting for the scientist, and even science says long gazes into each other’s eyes can form a love connection.
“There are more neurons in the brain dedicated to vision than the other four senses combined—up to 80% of what our bodies take in is filtered through our eyes. And the eyes are not just windows to the soul, but also to neuron pathways that can form love connections in our brains.” – The Guardian Lab. Here we know that eyes really play a primary part for someone as a way to fall in love.
Then, there would come a question, what if there is someone who cannot see—the one who is blind or sightless? If he couldn’t see, how can he fall in love? How does love work on him? In what way? Well, to answer those questions, I asked five different blind people with various backgrounds and stories.
When we talk about love at a sightless couple or maybe a person, we think that they have a different approach to love someone since they cannot use their eyes. But when I asked Mr. Setyo (43 years old—married for 23 years) about this, his answer made me realize something:
“Kalau berbicara soal cinta pada pasangan tunanetra, mata memang tidak bisa jadi patokan kami. Tetapi cinta bekerja dengan cara yang sama. Cinta itu kan dari Tuhan, sifatnya fitrah. Bisa tumbuh di siapa saja.”
“Kalau berbicara soal cinta pada pasangan tunanetra, mata memang tidak bisa jadi patokan kami. Tetapi cinta bekerja dengan cara yang sama. Cinta itu kan dari Tuhan, sifatnya fitrah. Bisa tumbuh di siapa saja.”
Mr. Setyo, totally blind since he was born, said that love for him actually works the same way as normal people do—from attraction, attachment, then to love itself—though his eyes couldn’t help at all. But then he continued:
“Yang membuat beda itu cara pendekatannya. Orang kayak saya pasti beda dengan orang awas. Karena udah nggak bisa bergantung sama mata, kita pakai (indera) yang lain untuk kenal atau dekat dengan orang.”
“Yang membuat beda itu cara pendekatannya. Orang kayak saya pasti beda dengan orang awas. Karena udah nggak bisa bergantung sama mata, kita pakai (indera) yang lain untuk kenal atau dekat dengan orang.”
He said that what makes them (the sightless people) different in a way of loving someone is the approach. They approach other people with other senses. Other senses—than eyes—play a huge role to help them in loving someone. Thereupon, those create some factors on how sightless people become attracted to others that lead into love. Here are the factors:
The Tone of Voice and The Way They Communicate
I asked Mrs. Sarmiyati (41 years old), the wife of Mr. Setyo who was partially blind then becomes totally blind at her teenage year, about the factor why did she fall in love with her husband. With her playful side, she answered:
“Kalau ditanya begini saya bingung, ya udah jodohnya kali. Udah takdir saya suka sama Bapak hahaha.” But not long after that, she continued: “Dari jaman sekolah sampai sekarang, Bapak itu pintar ngomong. Cara bicaranya enak didenger. Mungkin itu salah satu faktornya saya tertarik sama Bapak.”
I couldn’t agree more when Mrs. Sarmiyati told me like that, because it is true that Mr. Setyo is really good at talking. He really has a lot of knowledge and always answers my question in a clear and detailed way. But contrary to his wife belief, Mr. Setyo said that people shouldn’t rely on someone’s tone of voice, especially for the blind people.
“Suara itu tidak menjamin. Ada yang suaranya bagus tapi hatinya belum tentu bagus. Yang terpenting itu bisa menjaga komitmen dan kepercayaan, bukan hanya kata – kata yang keluar dari mulut.”
Different person, different opinion—though they suffer the same thing. While Mrs. Sarmiyati could agree that the tone of voice can make someone fall in love, her husband, Mr. Setyo disputed it.
Besides the tone of voice, the conversation that is caught by ear also could be a factor for them to fall in love or be interested with someone. Most often in a relationship, communication is a key because good communication leads to a good relationship. Mr. Wawan (41 years old) said that he started to feel a harmony between him and his wife when they start to communicate and turns out she is very nice to talk to.
“Saya ketemu Ibu dulu di belakang Mercubuana. Pertama kali kenal, ngobrol dan ternyata dia enak diajak ngobrol. Dari situ langsung ngerasa ada kecocokan.”
The Intelligence and The Personality
We sometimes fall in love, adore, or be interested with someone who is so smart and bright; the one who knows and have a deep understanding of everything. That is why even now, there is a saying which tells, smart is a new sexy. Well, strongly agree with that. Also, it would be better if the smart ones have good personalities. Such a perfect combination! Well, no wonder those—the brain and the personality—could be factors on how sightless people fall in love as well—we are still human after all.
When it comes to brain and personality, Mr. Setyo confirmed that those things can be a reason for someone—who is sightless—falls in love.
“Saya tertarik dengan istri dari perilakunya. Perilaku yang baik seperti suka membantu kalau ada kesulitan, juga mengerjakan tugas bareng saat sekolah.”
With only two years of gap different, Mr. Setyo chose to tie the knot with his wife at the age of 21 years old while his wife was 19 years old. Now, he lives happily with five children from his marriage.
Besides Mr. Setyo, there is Mrs. Salamah (32 years old—married for 17 years) who also agreed with it. Mrs. Salamah is one of a humorous woman I have ever known. Talking with her is really such a joy—there is always a laugh in every conversation we have. I asked her the reason why she chose her husband, Mr. Maryono, to be her partner for life.
“Dulu waktu di asrama, Bapak sering nolong saya karena saya kan anak baru ceritanya. Bapak itu senior, saya juniornya. Selain baik, saya nilai Bapak orang yang pinter, dari situ deh mulai suka sama Bapak haha.”
Well I guess, it is proven that intelligence and good personality could be a factor that makes people fall in love; for us and for them.
The Feeling of a Different Connection
Different from his wife, love works distinctly on Mr. Maryono (41 years old—married for 17 years old). As a husband of Mrs. Salamah, he feels a different or a unique connection towards his wife. He just suddenly feel connected with her.
“Saya ketemu Ibu tahun 2000 awal di asrama. Pas kenal udah lumayan lama, ada perasaan yang beda, itu menurut saya.”
Most of the time, we also experienced the same way with Mr. Maryono. We couldn’t describe our feelings or the reasons why we love someone. We just feel a sudden connection. But there’s a slight difference between us who can see and people who are sightless: they are more sensitive to emotion than us.
“Saya ada rasa suka aja. Susah untuk dijelaskan, yang jelas saya yakin dan tiba – tiba kok sreg gitu sama Ibu.”
When I asked him what kind of a different connection is, he explained that it could be an attraction at first, then it gradually developed into a love. He said that he didn’t take a long time to be so sure about her that he wanted her for the rest of his life. The feeling of a different connection was way too strong.
The Physical Appearance
Who says that physical appearance doesn’t matter to people who are blind? Yes, it does. I was so surprised by the fact that physical appearance still matters to them. How did they know whether their partner is good looking or not? Well, the answer is by listening to their families, peers, and surroundings.
Mrs. Salamah is one of those people who falls for someone because of the physical appearance—but remembers, she also falls for her husband because he is smart and kind. When she told me that, “my husband is handsome—that’s why I like him.” I instantly asked her, “how do you know?”
“Iya bener kok, suami saya ganteng. Tinggi, putih, rambutnya keriting.”
I am amazed, she even could describe his husband. He is tall, has fair skin and curly hair. Later I know that she only suffers from low vision, not totally blind. But then she also said that her family told her about that, they describe how Mr. Maryono looks and she loved it.
But still I wonder, is it true that physical appearance matters to them? “Not necessarily matter, but don’t you feel happy knowing that your partner is handsome?” Mrs. Salamah added. I guess I know the answer now. Their surroundings also take part in how they thought about their partners. They easily get influenced by their family and peers' opinion.
Well, to conclude, love works the same way as on people who are blind and as on individuals with sight—because we are human after all. Though it is true that sightless people cannot rely on their vision, but these factors, such as tone of voice, good communication, intelligence, personality, a feeling of a different connection, and physical appearance are things that we also happen to experience when we are in love. What makes it different only the sightless people are more dependent on other senses but eyes, since they play a huge role in loving someone.
But at the end of the day, the most important thing in building a relationship and finding love is by looking for someone we are comfortable and happy with, isn't?
Love,
NM.
“Kalau ditanya begini saya bingung, ya udah jodohnya kali. Udah takdir saya suka sama Bapak hahaha.” But not long after that, she continued: “Dari jaman sekolah sampai sekarang, Bapak itu pintar ngomong. Cara bicaranya enak didenger. Mungkin itu salah satu faktornya saya tertarik sama Bapak.”
I couldn’t agree more when Mrs. Sarmiyati told me like that, because it is true that Mr. Setyo is really good at talking. He really has a lot of knowledge and always answers my question in a clear and detailed way. But contrary to his wife belief, Mr. Setyo said that people shouldn’t rely on someone’s tone of voice, especially for the blind people.
“Suara itu tidak menjamin. Ada yang suaranya bagus tapi hatinya belum tentu bagus. Yang terpenting itu bisa menjaga komitmen dan kepercayaan, bukan hanya kata – kata yang keluar dari mulut.”
Different person, different opinion—though they suffer the same thing. While Mrs. Sarmiyati could agree that the tone of voice can make someone fall in love, her husband, Mr. Setyo disputed it.
Besides the tone of voice, the conversation that is caught by ear also could be a factor for them to fall in love or be interested with someone. Most often in a relationship, communication is a key because good communication leads to a good relationship. Mr. Wawan (41 years old) said that he started to feel a harmony between him and his wife when they start to communicate and turns out she is very nice to talk to.
“Saya ketemu Ibu dulu di belakang Mercubuana. Pertama kali kenal, ngobrol dan ternyata dia enak diajak ngobrol. Dari situ langsung ngerasa ada kecocokan.”
The Intelligence and The Personality
We sometimes fall in love, adore, or be interested with someone who is so smart and bright; the one who knows and have a deep understanding of everything. That is why even now, there is a saying which tells, smart is a new sexy. Well, strongly agree with that. Also, it would be better if the smart ones have good personalities. Such a perfect combination! Well, no wonder those—the brain and the personality—could be factors on how sightless people fall in love as well—we are still human after all.
When it comes to brain and personality, Mr. Setyo confirmed that those things can be a reason for someone—who is sightless—falls in love.
“Saya tertarik dengan istri dari perilakunya. Perilaku yang baik seperti suka membantu kalau ada kesulitan, juga mengerjakan tugas bareng saat sekolah.”
With only two years of gap different, Mr. Setyo chose to tie the knot with his wife at the age of 21 years old while his wife was 19 years old. Now, he lives happily with five children from his marriage.
Besides Mr. Setyo, there is Mrs. Salamah (32 years old—married for 17 years) who also agreed with it. Mrs. Salamah is one of a humorous woman I have ever known. Talking with her is really such a joy—there is always a laugh in every conversation we have. I asked her the reason why she chose her husband, Mr. Maryono, to be her partner for life.
“Dulu waktu di asrama, Bapak sering nolong saya karena saya kan anak baru ceritanya. Bapak itu senior, saya juniornya. Selain baik, saya nilai Bapak orang yang pinter, dari situ deh mulai suka sama Bapak haha.”
Well I guess, it is proven that intelligence and good personality could be a factor that makes people fall in love; for us and for them.
The Feeling of a Different Connection
Different from his wife, love works distinctly on Mr. Maryono (41 years old—married for 17 years old). As a husband of Mrs. Salamah, he feels a different or a unique connection towards his wife. He just suddenly feel connected with her.
“Saya ketemu Ibu tahun 2000 awal di asrama. Pas kenal udah lumayan lama, ada perasaan yang beda, itu menurut saya.”
Most of the time, we also experienced the same way with Mr. Maryono. We couldn’t describe our feelings or the reasons why we love someone. We just feel a sudden connection. But there’s a slight difference between us who can see and people who are sightless: they are more sensitive to emotion than us.
“Saya ada rasa suka aja. Susah untuk dijelaskan, yang jelas saya yakin dan tiba – tiba kok sreg gitu sama Ibu.”
When I asked him what kind of a different connection is, he explained that it could be an attraction at first, then it gradually developed into a love. He said that he didn’t take a long time to be so sure about her that he wanted her for the rest of his life. The feeling of a different connection was way too strong.
The Physical Appearance
Who says that physical appearance doesn’t matter to people who are blind? Yes, it does. I was so surprised by the fact that physical appearance still matters to them. How did they know whether their partner is good looking or not? Well, the answer is by listening to their families, peers, and surroundings.
Mrs. Salamah is one of those people who falls for someone because of the physical appearance—but remembers, she also falls for her husband because he is smart and kind. When she told me that, “my husband is handsome—that’s why I like him.” I instantly asked her, “how do you know?”
“Iya bener kok, suami saya ganteng. Tinggi, putih, rambutnya keriting.”
I am amazed, she even could describe his husband. He is tall, has fair skin and curly hair. Later I know that she only suffers from low vision, not totally blind. But then she also said that her family told her about that, they describe how Mr. Maryono looks and she loved it.
But still I wonder, is it true that physical appearance matters to them? “Not necessarily matter, but don’t you feel happy knowing that your partner is handsome?” Mrs. Salamah added. I guess I know the answer now. Their surroundings also take part in how they thought about their partners. They easily get influenced by their family and peers' opinion.
Well, to conclude, love works the same way as on people who are blind and as on individuals with sight—because we are human after all. Though it is true that sightless people cannot rely on their vision, but these factors, such as tone of voice, good communication, intelligence, personality, a feeling of a different connection, and physical appearance are things that we also happen to experience when we are in love. What makes it different only the sightless people are more dependent on other senses but eyes, since they play a huge role in loving someone.
But at the end of the day, the most important thing in building a relationship and finding love is by looking for someone we are comfortable and happy with, isn't?
Love,
NM.
