Will You?

Dear Papah,
it is not that I want to erase yourself in my mind
it is not that I want to delete our memories
it is not that I want to forget you

But really,
sometimes when I am alone
The memories of you remind me
And kill me
Again, again and again.

I miss you so bad,
and I do not know what to do

Except for sending you my prayers so they will always make you warm up there

Papah,
Can you please at least for once show up in my dream,
tonight?

Say to me what should I do,
now and then
Hug me tight as you will never want to leave me
Hold my hand so we can face the world together again
Guide myself then I can be a better me for a better future

And tell me,
what is heaven like?

I miss you so bad
and I do not know what to do.